By Life Coach, Tammi C. Walker
I was going to find me a man. Yes I was. It was 1999, my Dad had just passed away. I
was devastated because he had a heart attack. My Dad was the glue or the
nucleus to our family. Well to add
insult to injury, I was having serious issues in my marriage. What do I do?
Upon Dad’s passing that was the final straw for me. No more abuse, I am
leaving and I told him so. Also I did.
Well in my mind, this was freedom for me. Life was going to be great in a
couple of years after I put this divorce behind me, I was going to have me a
great man yes I was and get re-married. But the problem was I went about it all
wrong. It became my focal point, almost turned into an obsession, a full-time
job. I never had much trouble meeting
men, I do believe I am outgoing and personable. But, sometimes depending on
where you are you can attract the wrong type of guy or you attract who you
are. Men are quite smart and so are
women. We know desperation when we smell it just like we know confidence,
bitterness, etc. I was truly displaying bitterness. Once the relationships did take off I was not
happy. God forbid if the guy did not
meet up to my standards. I really wanted
consistency and well some guys just did not want to offer me that and it was
war! I was going to “make” them. Well once one relationship failed, I was on
to the next one. It became a vicious
cycle and I was on this roller coaster that I could not get off of. Most unfortunately for me, it went on and on
and on for years. I want to save you
some time. Don’t be like me and waste years on a merry-go-round to
nowhere. R-E-L-A-X and date. I will leave you some tips:
1.
Rest easy with yourself and do not attach
yourself to an outcome. Go on your date, you smile and be positive. If it is just one date so be it. If it goes
on further hey that is great to. Show up be the best you and do not attach
yourself to the outcome.
2.
Do not over talk at the date telling the man or
woman everything you want to do over the next 40 years. Be yourself and authentic. At times when we are nervous we tend to
ramble and be kind of chatty. Just relax.
Breathe and relax. It is honestly
nothing to be nervous over. You are just
out on a date trying to get to know someone a little better. It is all good.
3.
Please don’t speak negativity to your friends,
family or to yourself. Saying thing such
as “there are no good men out here”. “I
will never meet anyone”. There is great
power in words and you are what you think.
I live outside of Chicago, there are 2.7 million people here. I knew I would find me a great guy or he
would find me and I did. I believe the same for you.
4.
Get busy, get dizzy and even busier. Do not feel
sorry for yourself, go out of that house. Go to a knitting class (I am being
silly here) go wine tasting, volunteering, learn to salsa dance, join a book
club, take an acting class, do something but please do it now. Be so busy that
all you all you can do is rise and shine, get your work out on, eat your
breakfast and go to work. But wait,
after work, you are on your way to? You got it your salsa class. GET BUSY!
5.
Expect the best because that is what you will
get! Improve whatever you need to, your look, hair, skin, etc. Make yourself
the best you that you can be!
All is well for you. I believe in you. It happened for me
and it can happen for you.
Happy dating,
